Hi there John, Couldn’t agree more about managing that smile, at least when out. I make a point of saying a pleasant good morning to everyone when out with the dogs, even the odd joke. Now I have people I don’t know waving to me and when they smile at me it helps, It does me anyway, others stop for a chat. I am in pain, I am struggling but a joke and a smile will always brighten that moment.
I do get emotional at the graveside when I put his flowers there but I wonder if it might be out of guilt because I don’t feel him there with me. But if that Robin lands near or starts to sing then I do know he’s around and that lifts me. I feel my Brian is moving on as he hasn’t really visited me for a while and in the beginning of my grief he seemed to be sending very explicit signs all the time. I now see the odd white feather and just say ‘thankyou love’ a simple gesture but at least he’s keeping an eye on me still. They say that our loved ones move on when they think were ready to go it alone.
Love to you
Pat xxx
I haven’t had many signs lately. Although I remembered last year I sent mum a potted plant. And I couldn’t remember what I wrote on the card. So It’s been bugging me for ages. Last week I rung interflora and asked if they had a record of the delivery. She looked and said no sorry. So I said no problem and off I went. An hour later the lady rang me back and said “I carried on looking for you and I found it”. Now I never initially told her why I wanted the details but she kept on looking for me and rung me!!! . So I said “do you have my card that I wrote”. Yes she said. And she read it out
“Missing you mum can’t wait to see you soon. Love you lots”
That gave me such comfort to know that one of the last things I sent her told her I loved her. I think that was mum telling me that she knew I loved her and it was ok. No more guilt.
I feel so sorry that you had to experience such an insensitive woman who clearly should not be in that job. I was lucky, my husband’s ashes were placed in the oak box and were to be collected. When I got the call to say they were ready , it hit me, how could I get in my car, drive there, go in, carry them to the car, place them in, get them out, carry them into our home. I was fortunate, the Funeral Director sensed my panic and gently said he was out later and would call with them. He did, but then the panic started again, he was going to hand them to me I’d have to carry them, I’d have to take them upstairs. I opened the door and simply said, “Could you take them upstairs please” and he did. This gave me time and they stayed close to me since that day. They remain with me and will be buried in Scotland with mine when the time comes 
I know what you mean about carrying them home.
While I was driving home that day all I could think was “Once I get him home, he’ll be alright.” It was a very surreal experience. I’m sure that if Karl, the original guy, had still been there I would have had a very different experience. He actually called in to see me a couple of times after the funeral, just for a chat and to make sure I was okay - he was a lovely, very sincere man. He told me he didnt view it as just a job, it was more of a calling.
I was talking to my father earlier who told me that he’s going down to collect Mum’s ashes next week so I told him to order the urn first and take it with him when he goes so they can do the transfer for him - I’d hate for him to go through what I did, so maybe there is a silver lining to the whole horrid incident.
This is awful and absolutely heart wrenching…what were they thinking, my brothers and Mums were in Scatter tubes x
How upsetting for you. Dreadful.
My Dads ashes I never opened and my Mum’s I have not intention of opening.
Perhaps, one day I’ll scatter them, but for now they are in a wardrobe together and I will get some peace knowing they are there one day.
Oh my goodness I thought I was the only one!
I lost my Dad 9 weeks ago, and like you, I went and picked up the ashes and put it away until I was ready to ‘sort it’. And to my absolute horror and heartbreak, I opened an envelope and out came my precious Dad’s ashes in a little clear drug looking baggy. I fell to the floor in a heap!! Crumbled. I can’t believe they do this either, without warning too. As if we haven’t been through enough - they can’t afford the extra 1p for a black bag?!
Like you I was horrified, still am, but I try to let this part go as it doesn’t make anything else better, or go away.
The outcome is still the outcome.
Hi Skywise I was just reading all the supportive responses which are a comfort,when I got a knock on the door it was the Funeral Director with my wife’s ashes in a round tube I have placed it on the mantle piece and now breaking my heart and crying as I type this I’m on my own and need to express myself
Peter, I was the same when I got my husband’s ashes back in a scatter tube they also had a smaller tube that was easily accessible so I bought a lovely little mini urn that I have some of his ashes in and keep it in the lounge then I have another little heart shaped one I keep in the bedroom. I will scatter the main ashes when I am ready …if ever that day dawns 
You are not alone we have all been there it’s natural you are upset you need to cry. Your wife is back with you now where she belongs
V xx
Hi Peter
I hope you’re feeling a bit better now.
When I first brought Clive home I too was dazed and heartbroken but I’ve found that having him back home with me, where he belongs, has turned in a great source of comfort (until the other day that is!) and I hope you grow to feel the same. It’s as if a part of him is still here with me. I talk to him all the time and having that focal point that I can see keeps him real, if you know what I mean.
Hugs
Sky
Hi Skywise I’m feeling a bit better today maybe you could help I’ve got my wife’s ashes and had planned on putting them under the silver birch tree so I could go and talk to her,but today is making me think should I keep some of her ashes in the house in a container as well would like someone else’s intake on this as normally I would to talk to my wife Thanks
Hi there Peter 30
There is nothing wrong with doing both, or maybe put.a quarter under the tree, keep some in a small urn nearby you,but also keep some in reserve , as maybe when time goes on you might think of other places you shared together and want some ashes there.
Take your tie deciding because once they are all scattered there is no going back on it and changing your mind
Hope this helps
Hi Lancashirelass1 Thanks for your help that seems a good idea.I feel with having the ashes in the house it has calmed me down at the moment anyway Thanks
https://www.newlightcremationurns.co.uk/26-mini-keepsake-urns. Peter here is a link to a company that does the little mini urns which I have put some of my husband’s ashes in. You could have one in every room in the house if you wanted. I am sure it will help you as it has me
V xx
Hi Peter, I had my husbands ashes put in the grave with his Grandparents but I had the undertaker put some in a small urn, it’s a lovely little wooden one and I have that in my living room by a photo of him and a lock of his hair in a lovely little container. They also put some ashes in a locket that my family bought for me specially for ashes and a photo. They did it all for me as I don’t think I could have managed it.
Yes as advised take your time, no rush do what you think is right for you.
Good luck
Pat
Hi MrsColt thank you for the link I have had a look and there is one i am drawn too so after a night sleep I will order one as since the ashes had been delivered that night I had a bad next day,but things in the house have be come very calm and today has been a far better day than I thought I would have for a long time I believe she’s here and wants to stay with me I’m going to hang onto that belief as it gives me comfort
Hi Pattidot I have read what you have said I’m going to listen to your wise words and keeping some of my wife’s ashes in the house.Thank you
Hi Peter
I fully intended to put Clive’s ashes in a container in the garden. He had a special spot there that he called his Thinking Place. If ever I couldn’t find him, that’s where he’d be, beer in hand, catching the last rays of the sun. He loved the garden and I thought that would be where he’d want to be. But when I did eventually bring him home, I found that I didn’t want to do that after all, I wanted to keep him safe and warm in the house, with me.
Personally, I want to keep Clive close to me. Other people find that thought incredibly morbid and wouldn’t dream of having their loved one’s ashes in the house. It’s a very personal choice and one that you want to take your time over making. It doesn’t have to be made right away - doesn’t matter if you take weeks or months over it. You’ll know when the decision, and the time, is right.
I also haven Jack’s ashes with me in the house - I also put some ashes in smallburns - 2 of my children wanted it and 2 didn’t
I have a small urn in hat is in my bed - I am in Brazil at the moment and was considering to put a bit of his ashes in Rio because we met there
Basically you choose what is right for you and what other people think is their problem -
Love
Sadie xxx
I’ve got both my parents ashes in the house. My Dad has been there for nearly 20 years and my mother in recent months. I would’n want them anywhere else.
Perhaps, one day I’ll find a true resting place.